The Annual Christmas Monkey Caption contest began here on this humble but lovable blog Dec. 22, 2009. To be honest, so far, despite a weak handful of entries, my sample captions have always been better than any submitted by a reader. The Christmas Monkey does not care what anyone says. The Christmas Monkey seen here, since 2009, has not been replaced or upgraded. The Christmas Monkey is beyond replacing. Do not mess with Christmas Monkey. Christmas Monkey dares you to write a good caption. Here's a couple to get you going: "I'm gonna make Christmas great again!!" "What did I get for Christmas? An orange, an apple, and three brazil nuts." "Say "egg nog' one more time."
The words "gun control" are all around us this holiday season, but the real debate here is about reducing massacres of innocent folks by heavily armed villains. But getting past the easy slogans about weapons is tough - that's why slogans work. New Yorker writer Adam Gopnik tackles and exposes the many factual, real errors in the prevailing slogans in this essay. Some excerpts: (And be sure to read my NOTE below) -- "Gun laws solve nothing because terrorists, whether in Paris or San Bernardino, aren’t the sort of people who care about or obey them.This might properly be restated as follows: if a pickpocket steals your wallet on the bus, repeal the laws against pickpockets. If terrorists and criminals do still get guns, despite existing gun laws, there is no reason to have gun laws at all. But the goal of good social legislation is not to create impermeable dams that will stop every possible bad behavior; it is to put obstacles in their way. The imperfection of a system of restraints is an argument about the imperfection of all human systems. It is not an argument against restraints. What’s more, the special insight of recent criminology is to show that low walls work nearly as well as high ones, and are obviously much easier to build. Making any crime harder usually makes it much harder. If the terrorists in San Bernardino had had to work as hard at building guns as they did at building bombs, perhaps the guns would have worked as badly as the bombs did." --- "There are already so many guns in circulation in the United States, and their owners are so determined to keep them, that introducing limits would have no practical effect. ... Piecemeal social reform tends to be slow, but it tends to be successful. (Many manageable middle-range changes, from ammunition control to “smarter” and more secure guns, have been suggested as passable paths to gun sanity.) One need look only at the history of smoking or of car safety to see that this is so. Cancer caused by cigarettes and deaths caused by traffic fatalities, which were once fixed and ubiquitous features of American life, have been vastly reduced by gradual reform." --- "Even if gun control were a good thing, the Second Amendment renders its achievement impossible. ... Does anyone believe that Madison and Mason, stumbling into the first-grade classroom where modern assault weaponry had blown apart twenty six-year-olds and six of their terrified caretakers, would then say, “Well, too bad—but, yes, that’sexactly what we meant by the right of the people to keep and bear arms”?"
NOTE: Whether guns or other ills which bring problems, I'm on the side of seeking solutions rather than giving up on any useful resolution. Problems have solutions. I endorse the right to keep and bear arms - it is a basic right. Reducing mass murder is the goal, as is public safety. Whipping up hysteria and rage at the mere thought of discussing this issue, framing such discussion as open warfare, is dangerous and pointless. We don't live in a cartoon. Merry Christmas.
We are just days away - so it is time. Here are some captions to get you started .... "Hang on, I'm taking a 'selfie'." "Yeah, there's a reason me and Santa only visit you once a year." "It's my special eggnog recipe, made with scotch and ice."
"On Black Friday, thousands of Walmart employees and union supporters staged protests to demand annual wages of at least $25,000 for the 825,000 workers who make less than that amount and supplement their incomes with an average of $1,000 annually in Medicaid and food stamps. “The protest is sad,” said a Southern California shopper, “because Walmart has good prices.” Police arrested a man dressed as Santa Claus outside an Ontario, California, Walmart; a shopper stabbed and pulled a gun on another shopper during a dispute over a parking space outside a Claypool Hill, Virginia, Walmart; police pepper-sprayed one shopper and ticketed another for spitting on a stranger’s child at a Garfield, New Jersey, Walmart; a police officer was hospitalized for injuries sustained while breaking up a fight outside a Rialto, California, Walmart; and a bomb threat led police to evacuate a White Plains, New York, Walmart. “Black Friday is the Super Bowl of retail,” said Walmart U.S. CEO Bill Simon. “We ran a play that only Walmart could deliver.”
Yes, it's that time again - craft your best caption for the photo above and you too can be a WINNER!
What will you win? A giant heapin' helpin' of my love and devotion, that's what. Not too shabby. (And of course, you'll receive the satisfaction of a job well done!!)
A caption to get you started --
"Say Mayan Apocalypse one more time, and there will be something way worse than coal in yer stocking."
I like many of the traditions of Christmas, especially music. But it's kind of sad how older Christmas songs swamp anything newer. There are tons of forgotten and/or obscure Christmas songs too that are great fun. The nearly year round collections of Christmas tunes via Check the Cool Wax blog are a great way to while away hours online during the holidays.
Hearing many of the tunes played during the holidays instantly conjure powerful memories for most of us - but don't hesitate to make new memories with friends and families.
For the last few years, I've really enjoyed the Christmas music sampler issued by Paste magazine, which offers many new bands and musicians performing their own works for the holiday. Below, a collection from their 2011 and 2012 samplers, and a few other favorites.
And a most merry and happy Christmas to one and all!
Still seeking a rare, useful and perhaps energy efficient gift? Why not try the Napsack, a wearable sleeping bag, suitable for camping or just around the house to keep your heating costs lower? This is no Snuggie or Slanket. It's a Napsack. And it is not a Canadian Thuggie either.
Or maybe you could use a Napsack for those days when you feel the need to insulate yourself from the world and all it's harsh realities. I think it's a far better solution than sticking your head into the sand, is obviously more comfortable, plus you can hang onto your coffee as you seek some solace from the cold, cruel world.
And if you do feel the need to hole up and hide from the world, you can still enjoy holiday goodies thanks to Christmas Dinner in a Can!
Well, that is, you could have enjoyed it, but they are all sold out. :(
Speaking of treats for the holidays, bring home the fun of all the fairground and have something On A Stick -- like Hot Chocolate On A Stick. Just swirl the cube of handmade Belgian chocolate goodness around in your steamy mug of milk and enjoy.
And have you noticed how oddly popular fake moustaches have become? Darned things are popping up everywhere, for reasons I know not.
But you can add some 2012 Cool to your Yule events with the Stache Straw - yep, everyone cool at the Christmas party will be sipping in style this holiday season, so don't miss out.
(And while it is too late to arrive in time for Christmas, you can still place your order for Instagram Cookies - a box of treats made from your own personal visual history, and you can send from one to six pics to turn into snacks.)
Two Korean ladies, Jung Da Woon and Jung Hye Sun, take their acoustic music to the internet, under the name J-Rabbit. You can keep your Gangham madness. They have their own YouTube channel and their own website loaded with music, both covers and originals. Above and below are some samples of their Christmas music, and their covers of jazz standards are mighty impressive too.
We all hold to certain traditions, likely because as necessary as it may be to learn to roll with the constant changes of life itself, there are comforts unexplainable in keeping and holding traditions. And so here we are again at Christmas, and since the first official Cup of Joe Powell blog post for Christmas, I have offered the Annual Christmas Monkey Caption Contest.
No prizes, save those of personal satisfaction, which may well be the reason we keep and hold to our traditions - a moment of personal meaning which we need not explain to anyone. And yes, the ideas expressed so far in this post seem far too serious for Santa Monkey. Still, the fact he (or she) appears but once a year imparts solemnity despite the appearance of hilarity ... which may be the best definition one could make for the word 'tradition'.
So please leave your caption in the comments.
In preparation for this year's posting, I did review those of years past and sadly learned that several of the hand-picked Christmas music I've added over the years have vanished, mostly due to using web sites which ceased to be. Most fortunately this year, I found a pretty darn fine collection via Paste magazine - they offer 40 tracks which you can download for free or just listen to. But I decided to tempt fate again and offer just a few of my favorites from this collection, starting with "The Christmas Waltz" by She and Him, which is actress Zooey Deschanel and M. Ward. Zooey has a voice that could melt snow. And while these tunes are all from one collection, each one below has been hand-picked just for you and just for this year. I think it's likely one of the best collections of music I've ever offered here.
Merry Christmas, dear reader, and may it be the best you have had so far.
There's a stunning wealth of music on the Internet, of course, but thanks to some who craft items for this digital domain, we also have many, many Christmas songs which are not repeated infinitely during this season. And in seeking those songs today, I discovered a bona fide Christmas miracle ... one you do not want to miss.
These seldom-heard or brand-new tunes of Christmas have always been quite fascinating to me, though I can't really explain why it holds such interest. The songs, perhaps, are like forgotten gifts.
First up for your listening pleasure is the podcast from WBEZ's Sound Opinions web site, from Christmas music collector Andy Cirzan. This podcast is the 20th annual Christmas collection spectacular, full of seasonal music which are described as "Yowls & Yodels from the Yule Vortex...further adventures in holiday obscura." The link to this dazzling podcast, about an hour long, is here. Free downloads are available until Jan. 1, 2011, but you can just listen to it at the link. Cirzan wisely includes a complete song list and footnotes for the collection too, which features tunes from Jimmy McGriff and Sunny Boy Williamson and opens with a great selection from a 1968 album recorded by the U.S. Air Force band with arrangements by The Free Design. Most unusual and fun stuff.
Another location to find amazing holiday music is at Stubby's House of Christmas, a blog devoted to holiday tunes and videos which can easily fill many hours. One of their recent selections is from R&B singer Tasha Taylor, daughter of the great Johnny Taylor ("Disco Lady", "Who's Makin' Love") which is best described as a "an all new original--a simmering, steaming, hot buttered stoned-soul R&B Christmas miracle". Listen/watch the video here.
Stubby also has a real Christmas tear jerker via musician Matthew West and his song "One Last Christmas". It's a powerful true story, about an infant boy named Dax, diagnosed with leukemia and his parent's overwhelming desire to create one more Christmas for him. I'll let Stubby take the story:
"Dax's family was determined to give the boy one last Christmas and started putting up their decorations early--like middle of summer early. The neighbors inquired and, when told the reason, began putting their decorations up as well. Soon, the whole town was decked out in full holiday style, well in advance of the actual holiday. A web site went up and pictures began coming from all over the world from people putting up their Christmas decorations early in honor of Dax. Dax lost his battle with Leukemia, but not without seeing a last Christmas. In Dax's memory, St. Jude's is trying to raise $1.6 million--the amount required to run St. Jude's for a single day. Go to DaxLocke.com and make a donation to St. Jude's so that other children might see Christmas and beyond." Please donate if you can. And grab a handkerchief and watch this Christmas song for Dax.
While the owner of a Chicago apartment was away for a week, a host of friends descended upon the home, wrapping pretty much everything in Christmas paper - including the commode and everything in the refrigerator too.
While it certainly appears too, too easy to find some politico in today's America to ridicule (see previous post) it is absolutely not easy to play Christmas music on a theremin.
And I cannot tell you exactly why I like Christmas music on a theremin. I just do.
Here are two examples, which seem both slightly creepy and utterly sincere all at the same time.
Here is the third and final installment for Christmas music 2008 (Check out parts One and Two).
I hope you've enjoyed the tunes - and I did try and not pick out too many over-played holiday tunes. This third installment starts Elvis and moves on to Lisa Loeb and the Barenaked Ladies and Sarah McLachlan, and there is one from the unstoppable Bootsy Collins and concludes one of my favorites from James Brown.
Merry Christmas to one and all and please oh please have yourself a Merry Christmas and a Fine 2009.
Here is the second part of the annual Christmas music collection for 2008, this one has an all jazz theme. (Part One is here.) Look for a third part in the next few days.
Also, if you have a favorite song and artist, please mention it in the comments. Merry Ho-Ho! (image via Square America)
