Huck and Tom on The Middle East

A teacher friend of mine sent along this excerpt from Mark Twain's "Tom Sawyer Abroad" featuring Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer talking about the Holy Land. The book was published in 1894 and the attitudes then are pretty much the attitudes today. Truly fascinating stuff.

Twain uses the archaic word "paynim" to refer to non-Christians, and usually meant Moslem.

From Tom Sawyer Abroad (1894):

"Huck Finn, do you mean to tell me you don't know what a crusade is?"

"No," says I, "I don't.

"A crusade is a war to recover the Holy Land from the paynim."

"Which Holy Land?"

"Why, the Holy Land -- there ain't but one."

"What do we want of it?"

"Why, can't you understand? It's in the hands of the paynim, and it's our duty to take it away from them."

"How did we come to let them git hold of it?"

"We didn't come to let them git hold of it. They always had it."

"Why, Tom, then it must belong to them, don't it?"

"Why of course it does. Who said it didn't?"

I studied over it, but couldn't seem to git at the right of it, no way. I says:
"It's too many for me, Tom Sawyer. If I had a farm and it was mine, and another person wanted it, would it be right for him to --"

"Oh, shucks! you don't know enough to come in when it rains, Huck Finn. It ain't a farm, it's entirely different. You see, it's like this. They own the land, just the mere land, and that's all they DO own; but it was our folks, our Jews and Christians, that made it holy, and so they haven't any business to be there defiling it. It's a shame, and we ought not to stand it a minute. We ought to march against them and take it away from them."

"Why, it does seem to me it's the most mixed-up thing I ever see! Now, if I had a farm and another person --"

"Don't I tell you it hasn't got anything to do with farming? Farming is business, just common low-down business: that's all it is, it's all you can say for it; but this is higher, this is religious, and totally different."

Cibo Matto On BTVS

A net surfer from Colorado found this here cup of joe today while searching for some info on the band Cibo Matto, which is a band I discovered while watching Buffy The Vampire Slayer. It's one of several bands that show featured and is a tasty peice of 90s pop.

The episode is the first of the second season, "When She Was Bad" and Buff arrives at the Bronze to tease her friends. She's mean and sexy for most of the episode, and as a member of the male sex, I felt much sympathy for poor Xander, who is dragged to the dance floor for some way-too-close dancing.

Since school is back in session now, and this is a back-to-school episode and since I'll take any excuse to hype Buff and the work of writer/director Joss Whedon, here is a clip from that episode with Cibo Matto playing "Sugar Water" from their CD Viva! La Woman. (Sadly the clip ends before Cordelia gets to make her "get over yourself" speech to Buff and yes I know waaaaaay to much about BTVS.)

Camera Obscura - A Deceitful Heart, Super News and SOAP!

Ahhhhh, Friday movie time. Best day of the week. Nothing is quite as satisfying as finally getting to see a movie made here in East Tennessee which actually hits it's mark so well and so expertly - even if the movie is a hell of a downer. I will admit that after watching it, I can understand why the state's film office and Knoxville's did not push hard for a local premiere. It's an ugly and difficult film, but loaded with talent and made with great fearlessness.

The movie is "The Heart Is Deceitful Above All Things," directed by Asia Argento, who also stars in the film with some great cameos from Winona Ryder and Peter Fonda. Argento shot most of the movie in 2004 in Knox and Jefferson counties ... and hey, isn't that Jefferson County Sheriff Davenport eyeing up Asia's skirt in that scene at the jail?? Yeah! It is!! Fine work there sheriff - really, you did your lines very well. And of course there's a brief scene at the Mouse's Ear South too. More on that later.

Some controversy over the writer of the source stories for the movie emerged this year as "J.T. Leroy" who claimed it was auto-biographical turned out to be writer Laura Albert. That aside, the material is a brutal and depressing journey through the horrific child abuse for young Jeremiah. Bounced from a foster home and into the arms of his drug-addicted mother and her madness, the story is far more realistic than anyone would like to admit. Kids do endure this type of horror. Argento never backs off just how bad and insane the world of a helpless child can be. So, no, this is not a movie to "entertain" you.

Argento also bravely plays a role where she is ugly, sick and twisted. I doubt if Hollywood would ever give her the "Charlize Theron Award" for playing an Ugly Monster, but her work is as good as Theron's. Her camera and her narrative style here is like the fragemented and psychological maze of young Jeremiah's mind. Local East TN landmarks are often in the background and you can watch the movie and say "Hey! I know where that is!"

Is it a good sign that seedy and grungy locations in Knox and Jefferson Counties help fill Argento's vision? One thing for sure, including the Mouse's Ear Strip Club is a small but vivid scene of just how low-rent and skanky a journey surrounds the poor Jeremiah.

This movie is not a Special News Report on child abuse and predators. It's a movie which plainly explores the horror and madness some children do experience. As critic Roger Ebert said " I cannot recommend the film, or dismiss it. My two-star rating represents a compromise between admiration and horror."

Whew. Something a little less awful, Joe?? Please???

Okey Doke. As long as you remember to consider some of the facts in Argento's fiction.
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If imitation is flattery, then I has been flattered by the minds behind Atomic Tumor today. And there are fine recommendations there. Check it out!
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A writer who was able to tap into childhood and drag some redemption out of the horror was Roald Dahl and this week I finally saw "Charlie and The Chocolate Factory."

I'm one of the few who did not like the other movie "Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" based on Dahl's book. For one, Tim Burton gets it - the movie is both dark but very funny and WIllie isn't right in the head for reasons from his own childhood. Best of all, no overly sweet songs. The lyrics Dahl wrote get souped up by composer Danny Elfman into a Missy Misdemeanor style hip-hop, some heavy metal, and even a 60s San Francisco rock medley. Very enertaining movie overall with a hearty recommendation.

Can Burton, Depp and Elfman make the music work for them as well in their announced production for the musical "Sweeney Todd"??
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The silliness and the fantasy of Stan Lee's "So You Want To Be A Superhero?" on Sci-Fi Channel has been so entertaining this summer, even though Monkey Woman got the boot last week. The most entertainment is provided by seeing Stan do his stuff. Down to just three contestants now - Feedback, Major Victory and Fat Momma - I feel fairly safe in predicting a winner. I think it may be a close call, but I'm going with Major Victory. Or maybe Feedback. But not Fat Momma. But one of them. Feh. Maybe I should just watch to see what happens.

Make Mine Marvel!

According to Lee's Useless Super Hero Generator, I can be The Perplexing Lightning Utqsjbbu, oh yeah.... that's me. (snark)
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Newscoma has the details that "Cracked" is Back! It's not Mad Magazine, but it was Cracked.
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Jean-Pierre Melville's 1969 movie about the French Resistance gets a rave review here from Pith in the Wind on it's re-release.

Last week I finally got to see Melville's "The Samurai" (1967) which has been a very influential movie, especially for John Woo's "The Killer." And while raves are heaped on Melville's restrained hitman, I think Woo made it better. Woo turned Melville's symbolism into operatic action. And Woo has influenced nearly evey action movie Hollywood has made since.
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The tubes of the internets have been humming a happy happy song about the tounge-in-cheek thriller "Snakes On A Plane" since fans demaned the movie retain its original title last year. It opens today. Expect big business. Or Samuel L. Jackson may get medival on yer ass. An entire timeline of the movie's journey from failure to megahype is here.

SOAP looks like the best drive-in movie of the year. Now if I could just force an internet tubes campaign to bring back the Drive-In.

UPDATE: A post by LA Barabbas reveals another in a string of confused identities which happens as he works withing the major studio systems in LA. It makes me realized I do need to go to Hollywood and follow the always lucky LAB around - I'm telling you, we could turn these events into either a movie or a contract.

A Comedian Is President

If politics has become a stale and unpleasant joke, then why not make a comedian president?

That's the idea in the new movie "Man of the Year" written and directed by Barry Levinson and starring Robin Williams, Chris Walken, and Lewis Black. Imagine John Stewart making a run for the White House. Here's the preview:

Are State and Local Taxes About to Jump?

The funding mechanisms of local and state government are headed for a collision course which will impact all residents and businesses - perhaps property owners the most - according to a new study from the TACIR (TN Advisory Commission on Intergovernmental Relations).

The full study is here and a news report on the study here.

The TACIR often influences how new policies are made in the state, and the ideas they present in their study point the way to how the current system may change.

One of the most notable elements of the study is that Residential property taxes have been increasing while tax revenues from business have been decreasing.

"TACIR noted that from 1973 to 2000, the residential share of total property tax assessments rose from 35 percent to almost 50 percent, while the commercial and industrial share hovered close to 40 percent. By 2005, residential property represented 53.3 percent of total assessments, while commercial and industrial assessments had dropped to 35.9 percent."

I always see these types of "advisory reports" as the smoke of a growing fire. The state has been reluctant to increase the share of revenues from sales taxes to cities and counties -- that seems to be the most obvious way to aid communities and keep property taxes from a dangerous increase. Fear of a rejection or an exodus of business means the individual will be targeted instead.

Another suggestion from this report is far more ominous and may point the way that some in state and local government want to steer -- more taxing authority for cities and counties. The report says:

"Significant new taxing authority that allows local governments to take advantage of existing tax bases or activities that are currently untaxed. Possible changes include an increase in the local sales tax single article limitation (currently set at $1,600), the authority to levy payroll taxes, and local ad valorem vehicle taxes in lieu of existing wheel taxes."

A local payroll tax?? That would be a very bad move. Yet, higher taxes are certainly being considered and it appears thought is being given to find a way to quickly and quietly to change the way residents in the state are taxed.

After all, the report also says one of the "problems" in creating revenue is the "truth in taxation" laws are so public that it is "politically difficult" to raise taxes on property. Sounds too much like some "less public" decision-making is the goal here.

Once the TACIR begins to influence legislation, it is usually with a specific goal in mind. Government is always looking for ways to increase taxation and public review is the best way to insure spending isn't bloated and that any new legislation is necessary and fair.

What They Said

Some Wedesday web-walking has much to offer on all kinds of topics - discuss them as you wish.

I will make this claim first, however -- seems there were so many electronic problems, long lines and mistakes made in the August 2006 elections across the state. Here in Hamblen County, a two vote margin for the seat of incumbent County Commissioner Bobby Reinhardt has prompted him to file a suit because election officials say the vote tally shows a total tie, except in the absentee ballots - and that a court order is required to conduct a recount of those votes. Hopefully, the suit also calls for checking the registration status of all absentee voters.

Lawsuits have followed in county after county - was it really just electronic malfunctions or a long ballot? Isn't this a clear sign to the state election office to investigate the problems and provide some assistance?

Salem's Lots has a fine post on the myths of immigrants legal and illegal and how the state and federal officials respond to the issue. Here is a sample:

"I'm tired of being anecdoted and told we have a problem, without seeing any real evidence. I'm not saying there is no problem, but I want to know what it really is.

Jingoism and xenophobia may boost ratings for talk show hosts, and probably engenders comments I read recently that Nolensville Road is becoming a junior Tijuana (obviously the commenter has never been to the real Tijuana), but hot air does little but produce steam.

Yeah, we could bump up the penalties on employers who hire illegal immigrants, but the truth is, we don't have the means of enforcement, and it would probably do little than cause employers do a more efficient job of keeping illegals off the books.

I'm not saying that our nation's borders should be opened and unguarded. I just don't see how we can legislate here in Tennessee, based on anecdotes, ignorance and fear.

Can you honestly say that illegal immigrants have had a detrimental effect on YOUR life?

It is also odd to me that very little news media attention has been paid to the massive federal probe and charges against Garcia Labor Company. The charges indicate the company was aggressively seeking ways to employ illegals, but the state's media have given the story a very low profile.

Did you know the US has been at war longer with Iraq than with Germany in WW2? I've said it before, but the fact is we have had an active military operational status in Iraq since 1991 - 15 years and counting.

Go check out the saga of Tennesse Jed and his Bronco. He got it back!

Giving into Fear is what terrorists want, isn't it? Then take a look at what Tam says:

"If they "hate our freedom" so much, Georgie, then why are we doing everything we can to help them kill it?"

That's a quick peek around the state - if you have a burning issue in yer noggin, add it in the comments and we'llt ake that on too!

You're Fat and You Need Government Help

There are more obese people in the world now than there are undernourished people, according to comments presented at the annual conference of International Association of Agricultural Economists. Simply put, worldwide humanity is quickly becoming fat and fatter and market manipulation is viewed as a solution.

Barry Popkin says government intervention or a manipulation of pricing on "unhealthy foods" may be the way to reduce the fat:

"But all countries have failed to address the obesity "boom," Popkin said. Food prices may be used to manipulate people's diets and tilt them towards healthier options, he suggested.

For instance, if we charge money for every calorie of soft drink and fruit drink that was consumed, people would consume less of it. If we subsidize fruit and vegetable production, people would consume more of it and we would have a healthier diet," Popkin said."

Marketing - not as in going to one, but as in advertising to consumers - is seen by some as the real culprit here. Rules over adverstising, existing federal guidelines which are often deeply deceptive, and an enormous increase in the reliance on processed foods do not make it simple for the average person to even comprehend what foods we eat and what we don't.

A recent interview with writer/author Michael Pollan says we have to become "food detectives" to discover what we are really eating in America -- mostly corn and sugar. Then of course, there are the cows fed chicken poop, which we then eat, and that supermarkets are the worst places to get good food. Yeah, and which government agency decided to allow for crap and meat to be fed to chickens and cows??

Read the interview with Pollan here.

And put that bag of "go-food" down and take a dang walk, people.

Or wait until Nanny Government, pushed by industrial needs and fearful consumers, dictates what your daily intake of calories will be.

Mandatory Lie Detector Tests?

A fascinating story was cited today by Justin on KnoxViews about a "test" that's been taking place at the airport in Knoxville this summer. The project requires those who fly to take a mini lie-detector test in order to identify terrorists or other lawbreakers who take to the air.

The news story from the WSJ says:

"The test alone signals a push for new ways to combat terrorists using technology. Authorities are convinced that beyond hunting for weapons and dangerous liquids brought on board airliners, the battle for security lies in identifying dangerous passengers.

Here is the Cogito concept: A passenger enters the booth, swipes his passport and responds in his choice of language to 15 to 20 questions generated by factors such as the location, and personal attributes like nationality, gender and age. The process takes as much as five minutes, after which the passenger is either cleared or interviewed further by a security officer."

So the ONLY way this dectection can work is if air passensgers are all subjected to this test?

Stupid, just stupid.

Fluffy Chucklefanny

"Thus, for example, George W. Bush's new name is: Fluffy Chucklefanny.

(Thanks goes to Tits McGee for revealing the above web page and the fun to be had there. Your new name awaits you there too. And if you want to know why I am not mentioning my "new name", you'll have to just go to the web page above and do as instructed with the letters of my name. Oh and you can leave it in the comments if you think I'm being chicken for not adding mine next to Fluffy Chucklefanny's. Seems that whenever I do these re-naming games, something horrible appears. .... ok, fine, fine -- my new name is Crusty Pottysquirt. Happy?? Jeepers, name makes me think I need to carry some towels or somethin'.)

Not Really Lost Apollo 11 Footage

I think I know how the NASA folks feel. It isn't that something important is missing or destroyed, it's just that no one knows where it is.

That's not really lost, then is it?

Half-information and innuendo have led some to decide that there are some soooper-secret "lost Apollo mission tapes" containing soooooper-secret government information. Not sure what information could be - alien contact, footage of Neil Armstrong on a faked Moon-landing site maybe?

Here's the deal:

High quality television signals from the first Moon landing (and other missions) were recorded on telemetry tapes at three locations. A search is on to find these tapes, since the original slow-scan tapes won't last forever. But finding the tapes has become something of a mystery.

So the tapes are not lost. Not yet. If they aren't somewhere, then they may be destroyed. But that isn't lost is it?

But perhaps it would be a good idea to locate them, before the only reference for the Moon landing becomes a footnote for Famous MTV logos.

Survey Says Democrats Have The Advantage

A survey out this weekend from Newsweek reveals a growing trend among Americans - that Democrats would provide improved leadership in both policymaking and the national economy.

From the survey:

"Fifty-three percent of respondents said they wanted to see the Democrats win enough seats to take over Congress, while 34 percent said they wanted the Republicans to retain control, the poll found.


Fifty-three percent of Americans surveyed also said they trusted the Democrats to better manage the economy, while 34 percent sided with Republicans, according to the poll.

The GOP-led Congress has been staggered by charges of corruption, an economy built on deficits, and a lack of supervision over the other branches of government. While the approval of the current Bush administration has improved, the coming fall elections are aabout the Congress.

The recent win of Ned Lamont in Connecticut is not a referendum on the war in Iraq - it was a clear voice on the disapproval of Congress and the view that they are failing to do their jobs.

The idea that it's the GOP way or terrorism wins is a false framing of the issues Americans are debating in earnest. A wider range of policies and actions in the military and the diplomatic realms need consideration, and that the It's Good Us or Evil Them argument doesn't serve America's best interests. Both political wings need to remember that.

Camera Obscura - Clones, Private Eyes and Snake Plissken

Remaking every movie ever made is no new invention in Hollyweird, silent films often got remade and I kinda lost count of how many times C.B. DeMille remade all his biblical epics. A true challenge for a constant film critic is to be able to see a new (or an older) movie with eyes of the uninitiated. I like challenges.

So today brings some recent Hollywood hits and their origins. And the burning question of the day is "Will Snake Plissken return?" I sure hope so.

First on the remake list is the ever-exploding-world of director Michael Bay's sci-fi thriller "The Island." Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson star in this futuristic tale of a society forced underground after a massive worldwide biological apocalypse. Every moment of their lives is under constant watch, and even the bathrooms instantly assess your bio-behavior and dictates dietary requirements. It is quickly clear something is rotten in this mall-world.



I don't want to give too much away - but the main characters are clones. Why they exist is a question that puts them on the run and gives Bay a chance to blow up a lot of stuff, and he taps into many other movies - "Logan's Run", "Blade Runner", etc etc. But it took me about an hour after the movie ended to remember where I had seen it before.

The story is a huge budget remake of an ultra low budget 70s movie called "Parts: The Clonus Horror." Certainly the acting in "The Island" is what helps carry the movie, far better than the "Clonus Horror." And if I had never seen any of the above mentioned movies, then "The Island" stands as a very exciting sci-fi thriller. So I did enjoy the movie.

But the double-feature night at the drive-in where I saw "Parts" (the second feature was the marvelously titled "Meat Cleaver Massacre", and distributors have dropped the word Parts from The Clonus Horror) was and is the best way to watch this kind of half-baked goofy thriller. There were five of us in someone's station wagon that night at the drive-in, and I remember we were all intensely pleased when it began to rain so hard we couldn't see the screen anymore and we turned our attention to the case of beer we had.

Another genre retread which I also liked when I watched it this week was the largely ignored mystery-comedy "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang." The movie stars Robert Downey Jr as a petty crook taking a turn thru Hollywood as a hopeful actor and Val Kilmer as a gay private detective. The movie is very funny and the script and direction by Shane Black is steeped in every Hollywood private eye movie ever made. Black ("Lethal Weapon," "Long Kiss Goodnight") gives Downey the most entertaining job of narrating all you see and hear - very funny and very P.I., with a touch of William Holden from "Sunset Boulevard."

Movies from Black owe everything to Raymond Chandler, and he even includes a fake hard-boiled detective in this movie, named Johnny Gossamer. Also this movie is divided into chapters with names from Chandler's books and stories. (And speaking of Johnny, Johnny Knoxville was up for Downey's part, but Downey won the day.) The DVD also includes very funny commentary by Black, Downey and Kilmer and is as good as the movie itself.

Chandler's funny and wry detective Phillip Marlowe has been at the center of so many movies and other private eye mysteries, it can easily be said Marlowe is an all-American classic hero. This week I also watched one of the best early movies of Marlowe, "Murder, My Sweet" with former musical star Dick Powell in excellent form as Marlowe.

His narration, like Downey's, is often hilarious and cynical and fun to hear. As when Marlowe says:


"Okay Marlowe,' I said to myself. 'You're a tough guy. You've been sapped twice, choked, beaten silly with a gun, shot in the arm until you're crazy as a couple of waltzing mice. Now let's see you do something really tough - like putting your pants on."

Finally today - rumor mills are churning out a tale I hope comes to life.

Reports claim that director John Carpenter will get to make a third "Escape" movie starring Kurt Russell as the one and only Snake Plissken. Snake is in many ways a futuristic offspring of Marlowe - a dangerous and cynical anti-hero who is always quotable.

Snake is the hero of "Escape from New York," "Escape from L.A." and if the project gets the green light, the new movie will be called "Escape From Earth."

Next week - a new horror movie on DVD, "The Tooth Fairy." Really. I watch 'em so you don't get "sapped".

Worm Regulators Pursue Connecticut Boy

A 13-year-old boy in Connecticut and his family have been ordered to take down a sign in the yard annnouncing "nite crawlers for sale" to hopeful fisherman thanks to an order from Zoning and Planning officials in the town of Cromwell.

Maybe Ned Lamont can help the kid out.

And maybe the city is right to start regulating such childhood businesses as lemonade stands and worm sales. Young Joey Cadieux was hauling in as much as seven to ten dollars a month, after all. What out-of-control suburban business sprawl might be next? Trading comic books or Yu-Gi-Oh! cards, the dollars could turn to billions in untaxed revenues ... NOT.

Of course, once the press picked up the story, those who ordered the sign be removed and the council who ok'd it are the ones now trying to wriggle off the hook for this idiotic regulatory control.

"In a residential zone, if you want to put up a business and work out of your home you really need a special permit," Zoning and Planning Commissioner Al Diaz told The Hartford Courant in a story published Friday. "You come before the commission and state your case ... and then a decision is made. Chiropractors do that, lawyers do that, doctors do that, and then you're allowed to put up a sign."

However, in an interview with The Associated Press on Friday, Diaz said that other town officials overreacted to his inquiry and that he will ask the board to rescind the order when it meets again in September."

I had no idea doctors and lawyers and chiropractors were hiding their night crawler earnings.

Delays For Movie Reviews, Explosions Follow

Hey!! Where's the Friday movie and DVD reviews??

Such messages filled my email today.

Fear not, faithful readers, it will be here on Saturday rather than today. Non-computer filled days this week made for little time, but Camera Obscura will be here tomorrow.

New movies, new DVDs and all the news the regular media is afraid to report, as always, will be here.

Between now and then, why not a short video of some really stupid people creating explosions with dry ice?

Musical Interlude 2

Hot summer days and hotter nights.

Time to take a journey to Cantaloupe Island by composer and pianist Herbie Hancock, with the legendary Freddie Hubbard on trumpet, Ron Carter on bass, and mega soul from Joe Henderson on sax and Tony Williams making the beat.

'Smart Pig' Down, Profits Up for BP

The breakdown of British Petroleum's pipeline is more than a potential 8 percent loss in domestic oil distribution, it's likely part of a long string of criminal actions.

If they had only used the 'smart pig' the pipeline would likely be in operation.

A rupture in their lines that led to a 200,000 gallon leak this spring, an explosion at a BP refinery, and accounts of actively fabricating repair records and covering up problems are all part of a criminal investigation now underway.

"Tuesday, in an interview with NBC News, a federal official in charge of pipeline safety charged that BP has been doing inadequate maintenance for 15 years.

"Frankly, we would have expected a higher level of care from a company like BP on lines like this," says Thomas J. Barrett with the Department of Transportation's Office of Pipeline Safety. "What disappointed me was their failure to maintain these lines to an accepted industry level of care," Barrett says.

Tuesday night, BP would not comment on the criminal investigation, but insists that its maintenance program was adequate."

Pigging refers to using a machine which travels inside pipelines to detect leaks, weak seals and weak repair welds. BP stopped using these machines about 10 years ago.

But the 'smart pig' wasn't on the job. BP was able to reduce or eliminate maintenance costs, and haul their profits to record levels.

And those who reported the problems years ago to BP? Greg Palast writes:

"In one case, BP'’s CEO of Alaskan operations hired a former CIA expert to break into the home of a whistleblower, Chuck Hamel, who had complained of conditions at the pipe'’s tanker facility. BP tapped his phone calls with a US congressman and ran a surveillance and smear campaign against him. When caught, a US federal judge said BP'’s acts were '“reminiscent of Nazi Germany.'”

This was not an isolated case. Captain James Woodle, once in charge of the pipe'’s Valdez terminus, was blackmailed into resigning the post when he complained of disastrous conditions there. The weapon used on Woodle was a file of faked evidence of marital infidelity. Nice guys, eh?"

Palast has the goods on BP. The new 'smart pig' is at the money trough, hogging like mad.

Let the spin to protect BP begin and let the price gouging at the pump begin!

View From The County Fair

I had the honor of judging the Youth Talent Contest at the annual Jefferson County Fair on Monday night. Normally I have been the emcee of the show, and this year I wanted to change the roles - a change which was ultimately a mistake. Sort of.

I made several critical errors on Monday evening, which began when I left behind the digital camera at home, thus depriving readers here of the visuals of the fairgrounds and the extremely talented performers. So no tempting pictures of roasted corn-on-the-cob, towering stacks of funnel cakes, airbrushed t-shirts of thonged vixens astride motorcycles or reclining on the hoods of muscle cars, and no images of the varieties of foods-on-sticks. My bad. (And just a side note - food on a stick is a marvel of technology and a boon to stickmakers worldwide.)

And while I thought the heat on Monday evening was brutal, the heat in the competition was just as intense. I've emceed the show for many years, and what happens when I get to sit in a judge's seat? The performances were varied, unique and strong and judging among them nearly impossible.

My fellow judges and myself decided who would be Randy, who Paula, who Simon, although I kinda wanted to be a David Hasselhoff a la "America's Got Talent." Fortunately, we simply scored the contestants and did not have to speak up. Yet, by contest's end, each judge spoke about how good all the performers were -- not to just encourage those who did not win, but to emphasize how narrow a margin existed between victory and loss.

For example, one 14 year old boy played an instrumental classical guitar solo, another girl sang Jim Croce's "New York's Not My Home," and then there was the clogging duo. Now stop laughing. I know I just said clogging and I'm sure your image of such is about the same as mine. However these performers appeared wearing vivid sparkly red tops and pleather pants and the music was a pure rave remix of hip-hop and rock. The "clogging" including plain old fashioned tap-dancing and Britney Spears/Janet Jackson dance choreography. (And perhaps is was the heat, but for a minute or two I did flash onto that memory of the dance team from the movie "Donnie Darko", which creeped me out a little bit.)

In years past, there would often be several singers all singing the same momentary country music chart-topper or squads of clogging teams using the exact same bluegrass jam.

Not this year. Nope, not the year I get to be a judge. Powerful singers and musicians, making selections from Billy Joel to Martina McBride to Nelly. Boy, was I glad I didn't wear my overalls and I wore my shoes (that's a county fair joke - just relax).

Back in 1988 was the last time I judged something at the Jeff Co Fair. It was a 'Comedy Contest' and it was not pretty. It took place on a hilly spot on the fairgrounds. And the best joke I heard was about some farmer's confusion between a pig and his wife. Not pretty.

For some years now, the Youth Talent Show has had it's own covered pavilion and lights and bleachers for the crowd.

I'd show you a picture, but ... I can give you a link to the official web site for the fair, which goes thru Friday and you can enjoy this shot of a super-amped lawn tractor below.


And here is a video for the tractor pull competition.

But the real battle was among some truly talented teens.

Crazy Is More Than A Song

This will certainly blend the most pessimistic and the one at the other end -- what was it? Oh yeah. Optimism. A recent commenter here left the message that optimism and trust were the hallmarks of ignorance.

A variety of news reports today from around the world will certainly challenge the best and the worst, and I readily admit I'm starting to shy away from all the news, because seeing idiotic talking-heads providing fifteen minutes of some American Morning program to the question "Is our butts getting bigger or is bigger butts just better?" gives me the same headache that reports from the frontlines of a half-dozen battlefields do.

Meanwhile, I have read the all-out horror stories emerging in the hearings to determine if court-martials are to be held for a group of soldiers accused of raping and killing an Iraqi girl and her family. It is as grim a story as I've heard.

Today also brought in a report from NPR about "religious assassinations" in Iraq because the visibility of female sheep butts can bring death to a shepherd, or that the arrangements of vegetables in a market stand can also bring death. You can here that report here.

In Afghanistan, the long-standing cabinet-level office of Department of the Promotion of Virtue and the Discouragement of Vice (yes, that's the real office title) is maybe not as bad as it used to be. Maybe. That story is here. "No reason to be frightened," say officials, but I would recommend some fearfulness and perhaps moving to a more sane country.

I really need to stop being surprised that much of what appears in print and on TV is a variant of two topics, humanity's favorite pastimes, Death and Sex. (Or chess-playing under the Taliban regime.)

Wouldn't a sane person really really have to have the most troubling doubts about religious policing of Islam? Perhaps being immersed from birth onward in a spiral of madness makes sanity a fantasy only the truly deranged can imagine. Like the late, great Hunter S. Thompson said, "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro."

It is frustrating as a bloggin' guy, as I was just about to post a video for this Monday, from a super-catchy tune that gets my vote for Best Song of the Summer. Even the music video for it is both original and layered and still matched the thematics of the lyrics with the faces of the band. And I love this band's name, too - Gnarls Barkley. I'm not the only one who thinks this tune is worthy of fame in 2006.

It has the appeal of an old Marvin Gaye or Bobby Womack tune, but it's an MTV hit too.

"Crazy" is the song. And I guess that for better or worse, Crazy is the theme of 2006.

"Snakes On A ...." Hey! That's A Theology!

via Hutchmo at NiT

Sunday Sermonette

I think this particular patch of ruminations began because I was out this morning barefooted in the yard. Nothing quite like that feeling of green grass and the warming surface of this spinning planet between your toes. As I was walking the dog around the yard, always mindful of the doggie landmines of previous days, it is a mostly safe way to travel and my thoughts got lost on this Sunday morning about ... well, about a lot of things.

I start to thinking - always an act with the most curious effects - about how in my childhood, shoeless was the preferred mode of dress. And not just in the yard, but everywhere - through weed-thick trails between the houses, riding a bicycle, running across superhot sidewalks and asphalt. All tenderfooted adult now, I make careful steps, grateful that the walnuts already on the ground haven't crumbled into shrapnel.

I guess back in the day, my feet had the toughness of Tom Sawyer's ego. I do remember once hopping a ride on the back of a friend's bike, hauling off down some jungled dirt trail, and my right ankle dipped into the spokes of the rear wheel and chipped the skin away at my heel with some slightly bloody results. And yes, while it hurt, ultimately, I did not care.

In today's now a modern-go-go world, my parent could have, in response to the tattered ankle, started a national campaign for a federal effort to enforce the wearing of shoes for all children, a No Shoe Left Behind Act, which would be trumpeted as yet another way the Nanny Government is Making The World A Safer Place.

Once the walk was done I sat on the porch, sipping coffee, and the wheels continued to whirl in my head in that way they have - semi-philosophical world-gazing. I began to ponder on various news stories and blogging editorials I had read earlier in the day. "Sure seems to be a troubled old world today," I thought. "Warring and killing and bombing. All the hoopla over the recent elections, which no one really seems to care much about outside a small circle of politics groupies. Maybe I should do like a lot of folk today and go buy something since there is a tax holiday!"

A tax-free day is just a tiny decrease, really. Maybe we should consider a different kind of tax-holiday, one that occurs on the weekend after an election. And pricing decreases would be tacked to the percent of people who vote -- a 25% turnout means prices would fall one weekend by that amount, and maybe that would increase the turnout. Would enough people realize a 60 or 75 percent attendance at the polls could then mean a likewise discount?

As I sat and pondered on that fantasy, I was watching various insects scurry and fly about on their enigmatic tasks. The non-individualized actions all serve a hive or colony mind. Sadly, I see to much of that in humans too. There is literally no talk among the pundits and bloggers about the "best person to be elected." Today it is all My National Party, Right or Wrong.

Me feeble (and perhaps already heat and humidity filled) brain jumped to another thought. This relentless warfare in countries throughout the Middle East. Can there be any doubt that many wannabe tyrants are fueling raging fires with religious fervor? And that too many people in this world, and not just in the mideast, deeply feel their religious and spiritual values are so compelling that anyone whose views are different must be chased down and killed wherever they may seek refuge?

Praise Your Creator and Pass the Ammo. Yeesh.

And I am amazed at how our versatile language and rubber-limbed P.R. acrobats put the prettiest and most meaningless clothes on ancient behaviors. Today we have "sectarian violence," which used to be called "civil war" or just "anarchy." Another favorite is "collateral damage" instead of "dead civilians and bombed-out buildings." And the creepy presence of a world imagined by George Orwell seems omnipresent: "Security" means "I'm terrified of everything and don't feel safe," or that "Liberty" means "No amount of secrecy is too much."

I was talking to my 80-plus year old mom, who is Baptist down to the bone, and she confessed she had actually been making prayers of late for the Creator to infest the minds of warmakers and profiteers with endless nightmares of the horrors they are committing. She's obviously, like many, frustrated and disgusted by humanity's destruction at the will of so few.

I found myself offering her some optimisim, saying that perhaps there were still more Good People alive than Bad People, or else we would all be on the knife-edge of Death itself. But don't ask me any percentages.

A friend today emailed me this story - some kind folk have been seeking to assist this dolphin they saw off Sarasota, Florida, who had a Speedo wrapped around it's body which was slowly killing it. They did capture the critter and got the deadly garment removed. I'm fairly sure that in the long-distant past there was seldom a chance that Thag's or Ulu's thatch-woven thong would slip off only to kill the ocean-going life.

The story also noted that this dolphin had been "caught in a life-threatening extra large Speedo bathing suit".

Now I am not a member of the haute-couture, but I can tell you this - if yer Speedo size is "extra-large", do all of humanity and aquatic-kind a favor and don't wear it. It's time fer some Bermuda Shorts, bub.

Anyway, there on my porch, pondering imponderables, I did notice something that made me smile.

A car cruised slowly down the street in front of the house and a dog was sticking it's head out of the passenger window, a gaping grin and flying tounge giving expression to some doggie satisfaction. Now I personally hate that whole "is the glass half-full or half-empty" psycho-babble argument. The dog I was seeing offers a better way to frame the question.

Is that dog an example of Pure Optimisim and Complete Trust or of Blind Ignorance?