Friday, April 25, 2008

Camera Obscura: Worst Remake Ever, "The Incredible Shrinking Man" with Eddie Murphy

It's a jaw-dropping, bone-dumb, chunk of stoooopid to remake "The Incredible Shrinking Man" with Eddie Murphy. And written by the same pair who have given us "Herbie: Fully Loaded", "The Pacifier", and "Taxi" and directed by Brett Ratner. At this rate, Jackie Chan will show up in a tiny kung fu battle and Jessica Simpson will be his wife, and arrrghhh ....

I am with Scott Weinberg here - it's enough to make me weep openly. Of course, the classic script and novel by Richard Matheson is going to get a "
comedic approach to the fantastical material, telling the story of a famous Las Vegas magician who is put under a spell that causes him to shrink. He must find a way to reverse the spell before he gets so small that he disappears."

It makes me want to rake a cheese grater over my eyeballs.

It also makes me think that I should push through a remake of "Casablanca" as a teen sex comedy with Dane Cook and Lindsay Lohan set in a wild and crazy summer on Lake Havasu and film it with a cell phone.

Don't laugh - Spike Lee is making a cell phone movie right now, which you can submit content for, as part of what Lee calls "the democratization of film".

Yes, please, let's eliminate that pesky elitist element of talent from filmmaking.

And I had some other movies and topics to tackle today, but I've lost the will.

Plus, I'm finishing up my script for a new hot movie that's "Driving Miss Daisy" meets "Road Warrior", about a female android with irritable bowel syndrome running a day care full of the children of international spies who battle a rival day care, run by former NASCAR drivers and staffed by chicks who work at Hooters.

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