The Vampire Candidate and The Catfish Resolution

Some stories are so bizarre they defy description. Just about every sentence of this story is so weird you'd think it was made up by the staff writers at Weekly World News. But nooooooo. The British paper reports that America's (so far) only vampire candidate, Jonathon "The Impaler" Sharkey for president is being investigated for threatening to impale current President Bush --

"But a legal expert is unsure if a case could be made against The Impaler. 'Under the First Amendment, what it boils down to here is whether or not he's a vampire who wants to impale the president,' law professor Neil Richards of Washington University in St. Louis told the Chronicle.

'I guess the question is, if he's a vampire, why is he the one staking people? Shouldn't he want to bite the president and feed on him?' added Richards, describing these questions as 'perhaps further evidence that this is not a true threat."

The whole story (every sentence will make your jaw drop) is here. The vampire is 42 years old and his wife, Spree, is 19. Just ... wow. All it needs is a reference to Bigfoot and a UFO.

In a related bit of strangeness, another story, this one with a much happier ending. I mentioned a few days back that a woman was being sought for attacking a waitress with a catfish dinner. They found the woman, but the waitress and the restaraunt decided not to file charges against her:

"We've had so much publicity over this stuff, they've called us from everywhere," Jenkins told the Times-News Thursday afternoon. "Louisiana, California, ‘The "Jerry Springer Show' - and Channel 5 sat up here for eight hours the other day. It's all over the Internet everywhere.

"We just told them (the sheriff's office) to tell her she wasn't welcome anymore. It's all you can eat, not all you can carry."

I know it's only Tuesday, but surely there won't be any stranger stories this week .... or at least I hope that's true.