The Waffles of Doom

For many years, I've been at Waffle House customer, though I have never ordered or eaten a waffle while frequenting the restaurant. I prefer steak and eggs or maybe a Patty Melt and plenty of coffee. And for many years, I've found the restaurant an inviting location to sit and write. But that is not true for every location, just a few really.

But now it seems waffles are harbingers of disaster and crime, or at least, despair.

The NYTimes on Sunday featured a report pondering the apparent rise in crimes and robberies at Waffle House - a recent spate of robberies, the so-called Waffle House Terrorists, and more are cited in the report, which says:

"Sgt. Dana Pierce said the police were paying extra attention to all 24-hour diners, but especially Waffle Houses. It is easy to see why they can become targets for criminals, he said. “They are cash-driven,” he said. “They are near Interstate exits. And they are open 24 hours, when people aren’t necessarily in a sober state of mind.”

And this morning I noted a viral video showing Black Friday shoppers going mad for a sale on $2 waffle irons at a Wal-Mart in Arkansas:

So I'm left wondering if the waffle itself is a portent of doom.

The Streaker and the Raccoon

It is one of those memorable headlines - "Streaker Arrested With Raccoon In Car" - that just begs for more information. Fortunately, WBIR has the skinny. And other than the delightful headline, there was a mug shot of the suspect which was also memorable for the suspect's expression.

Seems 27-year-old Joshua Parker of West Virginia was attending the Bristol NASCAR race and decided, hey, perfect time to go streakin'!!

Once the fellow was nabbed by authorities, they also found his car, his girlfriend and a raccoon in the car with her. WBIR has the full story and also a video. Oh and also some blurred out pics taken by a witness with a cell phone. Nice touch, news crew.

Had the suspect been streaking with the raccoon - well, that's how real legends are made.

Police: Sir, Do Not Wear Your Bunny Suit Outside

Police in Idaho Falls report:

"According to a report, officers responded to the 400 block of Third Street after a resident reported that her son had been frightened by Falkingham wearing a black bunny suit and hiding behind a tree and pointing his finger like a gun at him.

The officer also spoke to other neighbors who expressed that they were greatly disturbed by Falkingham and his bunny suit. Neighbors also reported that Falkingham also occasionally wears a tutu with the bunny suit."

Okay then.

Cows Break Into Home

Four cows decided to abandon the fields and barns and to move into a house instead.

A woman says the cows broke into her house and stayed there. She told her husband over the phone that she was not injured "but I've got cows in my house," according to news reports. As shown above, a photo from the DallasNews of what happens when a cow takes over your bedroom.

And naturally, the woman's home insurance does not include provisions for damages by bovine intruder.

Violent Attack Over Pizza

While it might be tempting to blame a horrible economy for the robbery of a pizza deliveryman in upper East Tennessee, the incident seems more spurred on by stupidity. But it is still frightening to think that the whole deal turned so violent over so little.

The Kingsport Times News reports that the poor deliveryman was beaten with a stick of firewood which broke three times as the assault continued, and the suspect eventually was cornered in his kitchen and attempted "suicide by cop" as described in the account here.

"The husband allegedly fled the scene with pizza, hot wings and cheese bread but no cash."
---

"MCPD Assistant Chief Mike Campbell said Mr. Bond apparently attempted “suicide by cop” as he reached into a cutlery drawer to grab a knife in the presence of officers with their guns drawn. Mr. Bond was unable to find a knife, however, and was tackled and taken into custody, Campbell said.

Police later learned that Mr. Bond was wanted in Carter County and Virginia, although the specific charges weren’t available.

Mr. Bond reportedly told police he hatched the robbery scheme to raise enough money to get away to New Jersey to avoid the arrest warrants. Mr. Bond also reportedly told police he was willing to die because he “was tired of running.”

Spice and Sausage Bandit

Odd crimes are plentiful. And yes, often crime is odd at it's very core. Still, imagine waking to an intruder in your home, an intruder who is rubbing spices on you, and is armed with a sausage. (via the Fresno Bee)


"A burglar who broke into a home just east of Fresno rubbed food seasoning over the body of one of two men as they slept in their rooms and then used an 8-inch sausage to whack the other man on the face and head before running out of the house, Fresno County sheriff's deputies said Saturday.

Lt. Ian Burrimond, describing the crime as one of the strangest he's ever heard of, said a suspect was found hiding in a nearby field a few minutes later and taken into custody on suspicion of residential robbery.

Deputies, he said, had no problem linking the suspect to the crime.

"It seems the guy ran out of the house wearing only a T-shirt, boxer shorts and socks, leaving behind his wallet with his ID," Burrimond said.

Arrested was Antonio Vasquez Jr., 21, of Fresno.

Burrimond said deputies headed to the victims' home in the 300 block of South Thompson Avenue near Kings Canyon Road shortly after 8 a.m. Saturday regarding a burglary in progress.

The victims, both farmworkers, told deputies they were awakened by a stranger applying "Pappy's Seasoning" to one of them and striking the other with a sausage."

Cloned Pups Owner Has Strange History

I gave only a passing glance to the story of an American, Joyce McKinney, who paid a South Korean firm $50,000 to clone her dearly departed dog, Booger. This weekend the story got really strange. Seems she had been accused of kidnapping a Mormon missionary and kept him as a sex slave some 31 years ago, a story so lurid and strange it was bound to rise again. It did.

"When that young Mormon took a missionary trip to England, authorities say McKinney hired a private detective so she could locate and follow him.

She and a male accomplice were accused of abducting the 21-year-old missionary as he went door to door, taking him to a rented 17th-century "honeymoon cottage" in Devon and chaining him spread-eagle to a bed with several pairs of mink-lined handcuffs.

There, investigators say, he was repeatedly forced to have sex with McKinney before he was able to escape and notify police.

In a 1977 court hearing mobbed by the British press, Joyce McKinney said she'd fallen head-over-heels in love with the Mormon man and acknowledged tracking him to England. "I loved him so much," she told a judge, "that I would ski naked down Mount Everest in the nude with a carnation up my nose if he asked me to."

But she denied a sexual assault, saying the young man was a willing partner.

In her call to the AP on Saturday, McKinney repeated the same argument her lawyer made all those years ago: There's no way she could have overpowered the young Mormon because he was much bigger and stronger.

"I didn't rape no 300-pound man," she said. "He was built like a Green Bay Packer."

McKinney and her accomplice spent three months in a London jail before being released on bail.

Press reports at the time that said the pair then jumped bail, posing as deaf-mute actors in Ireland to board an Air Canada flight to Toronto and eventually a bus to Cleveland, where investigators lost their trail."


Read the full story here.

No Indictments in Death of Peyton Strickland

"Peyton Strickland's parents, Don and Kathy said: "Our unarmed 18-year-old son Peyton was killed when Chris Long, a deputy sheriff, fired three bullets from a submachine gun through the front door of Peyton’s house while he was answering the unlocked door. The failure of the grand jury to indict Long on any charge compounds our family’s tragedy."

Long, who was fired after the shooting, has said he fired his fully automatic submachine gun because he mistakenly thought he heard gun blasts. Instead, he was hearing the officers' battering ram hammering Strickland's door. Long admitted in an affidavit filed Monday that his hearing was impaired by an earpiece, a hood and helmet." (link)

This case, which grew stranger with each new report, was first mentioned in this post as well as here and here.

Man Dressed As Tree Robs Bank

Law enforcement officials in New Hampshire said the bandit -- with some limbs and leaves stuck all over his body - never claimed to have a weapon ... so why did he get money from the tellers???

Astonishing pictures and a video of the ... Tree Bandit (at a bank branch, no less) are here.

Maybe it's the heat.

Kentucky Teens Charged With Stealing Monkeys

I had heard some snippets of this story both on television and online and finally got the skinny on the crime via the Daily Times in Maryville, where this picture was published.

Two wee, tiny female marmosets were stolen from a Sevierville pet store and Maryville police captured the suspects and found the wee, tiny marmosets in the suspects' vehicle. The tiny critters are now back at the pet store. And apparently the suspects were attempting to break into another pet store when apprehended.

Um.

Why did these teens from Kentucky steal wee, tiny marmosets?

Is there an underground stolen marmoset market in Kentucky? Perhaps they were to be put to slave labor making meth in some nightmare marmoset and meth manufacturing scenario? Were the teens gacked outta their brains on meth and thought the monkeys were some kind of new, fuzzy money?

Was it some crime of passion -- "Honey-bunny, you see them little monkey things? I'm gonna get em fer ya, even if I have to turn to a life of crime just so's I can prove my looooove fer ya"??

Maybe some crazy bet between the two teens - "i bet i kin steal more monkeys 'n you can!"

An idea born of some bizarre interior decorating scheme -- "You know what this duplex needs? Yep, marmosets."

Your theories are welcome.

I for one hope the critters crapped all over the car and peed in the ashtray.