Thursday, June 01, 2006

A License To Have Kids?

A reader for yesterday's post offered these thoughts for consideration:

Maybe couples shouldn't start a family until they have the resources (however they want to define that)to care for that family themselves. If that means somebody has to stay home, so be it. I'm all for requiring a license to breed. Too many people are having too many kids without a thought of the consequences."

I have multiple responses and perhaps you do too, feel free to add them.

First, if prospective parents had to wait for the Most Perfect Time to have kids, there would certainly be fewer - however how often in the course of living do any of us have the luxury of realizing Most Perfect Moments? Living is an imperfect thing, and often we don't realize our best moments until they have passed. In short, living is all about chances and risk. We are all faced with the unknown from birth til death, and I generally think we cannot ever hope to alter that.

Second, I dread the idea of having to have a license for having children. Are their couples and/or singles who should not have children? Most likely. Yet, a far worse notion is some government or quasi-government agency determining the requirements needed to have children. Go ahead and call me a Darwinian, but sometimes our sheer numbers, increased wisely or unwisely, often offer our best chances for continuation. While any of us can question the wisdom of some who decide to have or not have children, I put far more faith in the individual decision than those made by some appointed committee on procreation.

I do understand a desire to provide some kind of "quality control" over emerging li'l humans - but again, I have far more trust in Nature than in government or rule-by-committee. Imagine the horrors of those who live in China, where both the number and the sex of a child has been given a pre-determined government status.

On a side note, the longer we follow a national ignorance regarding sexuality, pregnancy, STDs, and a foolish concept of "abstinence", the longer we endanger our current and future generations. It's as if we fear the result of an informed and educated population, while I can only see the many benefits of a less repressed and more informed and personally responsible attitude.

It's something I've mentioned before - we are Free to choose are actions, but that does not mean we are free from consequences.

The agenda of the group mentioned yesterday includes some insidious claims - significantly, that most often parents "choose" to both work. In the reality of our economic systems, it is nearly impossible for a single income to provide all the needs of a three or more member family. If a couple has that ability - marvelous! As a rule, however, most couples and individuals struggle mightily to make enough to provide for themselves.

Also, I firmly believe that parents and educators, not administrators, need to be far more involved in creating educational systems in their communities. Endless testing is not a solution - the realization that education is a process and not a means to a career is far more vital.

For all the yearnings of various lobbying cultural warriors, abandoning our own abilities to reach a positive, self-actualized community of individuals is a prescription for tyranny and horror.

Is it hard to live with the bad decisions others might make? Yes. Are parents sometimes the worst enemy of the child? Yes. But attempting to control or constrain nature is a path to far worse outcomes.

That's my two cents. How about yours?


  1. I love you.

    Let's hug.

  2. okey doke. thank goodness that's not a government-controlled act!

  3. "We are all faced with the unknown from birth til death, and I generally think we cannot ever hope to alter that."

    And why would we want to? A life planned to the second with no room for chaos, chance, or the occasional wild hair up the ass doesn't seem like much of a life.

    It's only a short walk from the place where the govt gets to say who can and cannot have a child to the place where the govt gets to say who must have a child. I am already "pre-pregnant" in the eyes of this administration. Let's not turn over any more of our rights just because some people are bad parents.

  4. Anonymous7:55 PM

    We already have a license to have kids. It's called a marriage license.

  5. well, WM, the lack of such a license does not prevent someone from having a child nor require them to have a child.

    make your own marriage joke at this point.

  6. One of the best parents I know waited to start a family but there was really no great time so they went ahead and had kids and it was difficult because money was, and is, an issue.
    One of the other great parents I know is a single mother of three children. Her three sons are awesome and very well-balanced. There are two fathers, one committed suicide, the other wanted children terribly and then didn't want the responsibility. His children have never seen one penny of child support.
    There is no single great time to have children.
    I might add that I also have another friend who is gay raising a child. She is an awesome, loving, caring woman whose child is also very well-balanced.
    I also know people who appear to have the perfect nuclear family whose children aren't doing so hot.
    There is no set life when dealing with humans, and families are what you make of them.
    As a woman who cannot have children (I've known since I was a teen so I'm cool) I do know that when people tie labels such as being married which is ideal but not always realistic or idealize a Brady Bunch lifestyle usually find a failed perceived reality that just doesn't work out.
    One problem is other people's labels. We are free to choose, the problem tends to lie with other people putting their belief systems on others.
    Most people want to do what's best, and they want to do well in whatever family they may be in.
    Not everyone is perfect. We are humans, we make mistakes.
    I realize this is disjointed.

  7. I heart newscoma

  8. I'm at work, but am preparing a statement.

  9. I heart Newscoma, too. Group hug?

  10. group hugs is fine by me!