While the rest of online world will be urging you to keep this day as 'talk like a pirate day', this year I've decided it would be more fun to walk like a pirate. Sure, it's a challenge, but so is the life o' pirating.
How can you walk like a pirate?
- Pretend to have a peg leg. Make a thonking sound each time you take a hitched step. Also ask strangers if they've seen the cursed beast that swallowed your leg.
- Walk with a hobbled step and curse a lot. Claim a bilge rat bit your toes off as you slept.
- Store your socks in a bucket of rotting meat and seawater for a few weeks and then wear them. Without shoes.
- Put a live (or dead) fish down your pants.
- Perform a "broadside blast". To do this, eat several platefuls of beans, and when you feel good and gassy, stroll down the sidewalk and then bend over and aim your hindparts at strangers and yell out "Prepare to fire all guns!!!"
Those are just a few examples. Next year, we'll celebrate Caulk Like A Pirate Day.
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