Wednesday, June 13, 2007

'Yeah, They're Dead. They're All Messed Up.'

As I am loathe to just jump in and participate in every goofy popular web/blog trend that rolls thru the internets, I am a fan of the zombie movie stuff, and since Newscoma did alert me that today is "Blog Like It's The End of the World!", then I am in. The premise, begun here, is that folks should blog like a full-blown worldwide zombie apocalypse is underway.

And hey, I've joined in for "Talk Like A Pirate Day" and "Wear a Gorilla Suit Day", so then why not this one?

Here's some things to consider -- at best, both electricity and fuel for vehicles will be utterly unavailable within a matter of hours. If you can find a bookstore to loot, which is likely as zombies don't read much, get yourself a copy of Max Brooks "Zombie Survival Guide". It has plenty of helpful info, but your reading time is gonna be limited. If you are traveling in a group, get one person to read as the rest of you flee for safety.

As Max has noted, one of your best defensive weapons will be a good, hefty axe. They need no ammo at all to work well.

Do not spend too much time bemoaning the fact you haven't already read Max's book, or that you did not join up to promote the Zombie Preparedness Initiative. Too late now.

In a recent interview, Max was asked:

How can a layperson like myself distinguish between a zombie and a bureaucrat?

Max Brooks: Simply put, a zombie will try to eat you, a bureaucrat will try to ruin several hours of your day."

Trust me, a bona-fide zombie is not going to require a lot of pondering on the "hey is that a zombie?" issue. You'll know.

As I was thinking about what to write for this BLITEOTW Day, I wondered how the current media might handle the event. For instance:

The story on FOX News: "Well at long last, the Democrats have shown what they really are and what they really want -- they are the Undead and they want to eat you or convert you. These Demo-Zoms are anti-family and anti-American! .... oh wait, holy crap! Is that Ronald Reagan?? Looks like he has decided to rejoin the Democrat Party. And we can confirm that Hillary Clinton is registering the zombies to vote."

The story on CNN: "We have exclusive footage of the Anna Nicole Smith zombie and she's devouring an attorney and a .... hold on, hold on, Paris Hilton has a comment to make ...."

Drudge Report: Zombies eating brains! Rush Limbaugh, Neal Boortz, Sean Hannity, Bill O'Reilly, Nancy Grace, Michael Savage, Michelle Malkin, have NOT been attacked!

OK, fine, those are the easy jokes.

Now on to the blogging the zombie doom outside my doorway.

Here's how I would cover it:

"Outta here, suggest you do same."

ADDENDUM: A new zombie-comedy movie is set to open in limited release this weekend, called "Fido". A friend sent me a trailer for the movie, which is set in an alternate 1950s America. Some cosmic debris from a passing comet has turned all the dead into zombies, Fortunately, a giant corporation known as ZomCom, has established a method to 'domesticate' them and they are put to work as servants and menial laborers. A young boy named Timmy finally gets one of his own at his idyllic suburban home, who he calls Fido (played by Billy Connolly). Carrie-Anne Moss plays Timmy's mom. It looks pretty funny, so in honor of this day, here's the trailer:

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